Friday, June 09, 2006

Small lapse

Earlier today I had a small lapse in my porn quitting. I was trying out this new Newsgroups viewer I had, and unfortunately for myself there were quite a few interesting sounding groups under alt.binary.erotica. Out of curiousity, I clicked on one; hundreds of posts showed up. All of the message posts had sensationalist topics; I clicked on one. I was expecting some hardcore pornography, but unfortunately I got a bikini model. The bikini model was quite attractive, and had a sense of self respect. I tried a few other posts of the same model; various different poses. Then the last of the series was the particular bikini model exposing herself. Suddenly my blood started pumping, and my appetite increased. Luckily I had an appointment to draw myself away from further surfing, but the images are still very vividly in my mind.

Right now I am fighting the urge to dive back in to my porn habit -- but I am trying to convince myself otherwise. My one-track mind is urging me to seek more titillation; however my higher order thoughts are telling me that it is wrong. That women are not objects to be salivated over.

I know what this must appear like; a prude who is too uptight and refusing to look at very softcore porn. The problem here is that if I knew that looking at softcore porn would satisfy me, then so be it. However the problem is that porn is like salt water to me -- drink a little, and rather than quenching my thirst, it increases my desire. As mentioned on the Trying Bloody Hard blog (no link, sorry!), the negatives associated with porn must be remembered. These models are often exploited and the images they depict are sometimes applied to the real world. In real life, women are not like that. That is what I must continue to remember.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Never fully getting over an addiction

Having just read this post by the author of trying bloody hard, I thought I'd add my own two cents. I have also experienced urges to look up porn and I too get excited by the prospect of porn. I've been porn-free for quite a number of months now, and I still have these urges. On the positive side though, I feel more in control of the urges. As porn is no longer a habit of mine, it is easier to dismiss these urges I have.

I have to say that the positive effects of being porn-free have been not terribly obvious to me. The biggest benefit has been being in control of my sexual desire. Before I'd look forward to porn and I'd spend hours downloading and viewing porn. I'd have experiences very similar to this. I'm still very determined to continue to stay porn free though; it has been very liberating to kick a habit which essentially dictated my actions.

One last opinion; in response to this post. Whilst I do admit that giving up anything cold turkey can be difficult, I do think there is a definite advantage to treating an addiction as "black and white". I do feel that I'd have more trouble if I tried to phase out pornography instead of completely eliminating it in an instant. In my case, I think that conceding at certain times (and viewing porn) would have made it more difficult in the long term.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Still Going (Again!)

I've enjoyed reading through the posts of fellow quiters so much so that I have been inspired to update this blog.
I find it really inspiring to be reading how others are fighting and overcoming their struggles; particularly relating to porn as I can relate to the experience somewhat. Blogging definitely helps as it organises your thoughts and also allows you to admit to yourself (and others) exactly what is going on. But enough of what you knew already...

I have to say as a reformed porn addict, I do notice the benefits. For example, this morning when I was alone, the first thing I'd usually do was shut myself in my room and hunt around the internet for some porn. Well, nowadays that urge just about disappeared; it was not nearly as strong as it used to be. I'm very grateful for that, as porn both unfulfilling and a device to waste time!

As for my current struggles; I lack the self confidence to flirt with random females as mentioned by my fellow blogger in the previous comment. I believe I've reduced the amount of salivating I do over semi-naked people in public, but it certainly is still a problem. Particularly I am aware now of how this staring might affect how the person feels. So, unless it is just a passing glance, I've been pretty good lately.

Anyway, I wish the best of luck to the fellow porn addicts giving up. It's not easy, but it is a very rewarding and confidence building exercise! Keep up the good work!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Still Going

Just reporting that I haven't given up. I've come close; I've read through nudist forums, I've clicked on spam links in my email, I've read up on breast feeding and I've even read "Teen Health" websites for titillation. However, overall I am relatively porn-free. I've lost count of the number of months that I have been porn-free!

Reading through pornforgotten, and particularly the post Slipping Back. I would have to agree that I have been experiencing a similar effect. I do have sexual energy that was previously being directed at porn. This sexual energy is now being discharged via oggling at pretty ladies. I have begun recently getting out of the habit, but it is very difficult. Even the slightest hint of cleavage or erect nipples is enough to have me drooling. It's not good, and I am slowly breaking the habit.

Previously I always imagined looking to be a 'victimless crime'; partially because I didn't realise how obvious it could be, and also partially because I justified it to myself by saying 'people wear revealing clothing because they want the attention'. Now it is a different story; I realise now that people wear the clothes they do because they want to look nice. In most cases, they do not want to attract the attention of horny observers.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Finding loopholes in cold turkey

This post is primarily in response to post here. Abstraining from porn cold turkey is not without it's problems. I was finding loopholes in going cold turkey. I was redefining what was porn. I would visit websites that detail the nudity and sex scenes in cinema release movies and I would skip to those scenes on DVD etc. I'd then replay the same scene over and over again as I jacked off. The problem with this method is that it's even less reliable than porn. Nudity scenes often last just a few seconds, and often are not that erotic. It took time to look up movies and find all of the interesting scenes. With this technique, I'd often spend 30-60 minutes looking for better nudity.

Another source of titillation was erotic stories. Online can be found hundreds or thousands of short stories on just about any topic. I was avoiding using my own imagination to concoct scenarios and was relying on short stories to guide me. Most of the short stories weren't written terribly well, and some would provide very little excitement.

There were also sources not relating to the internet; men's magazines like FHM are also very revealing in places. However magazines are not ideal; they require their own light source, they are easily bent and torn and they need to be held. Overall I don't particularly like magazines for the purpose of getting off.

Arguably none of the above are classified as porn, however I was treating them the same. They were all consuming less of my time than porn, however they were still fostering similar habits as my porn addiction. Every so often I use one of these sources to excite me, however overall I want to avoid them. I'd like to classify 'porn' as any material that provides sexual stimulation. Obviously this is not the definition of porn, however it's the definition I'm sticking to in order to kick my porn habit. I still fully intend to masturbate regularly though, just without any additional stimulatory material.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Keep up the good work, team!

Having not posted in 16 days, you'd be forgiven for thinking I'd dropped off the planet. Well, I'm still here and kicking. I've been somewhat regularly reading pornforgotten.blogspot.com, and I'm pleased to say I'm still 'clean'. I've been getting strength from you fellow addicts, and I feel it is only fair that I pay some respects. Sometimes I do feel like caving in and viewing some of my most loved porn, but the thought of you sticking it out really brings me around. This is really great; like an informal 'porn anonymous' group. I can see that if I ever do need to give up any addictions in the future, that I'd be best off doing it in a group and not alone.

Having said all that; depending on the source of your addiction, giving up porn is not going to solve everything. It is certainly the first step, but definitely not the last. Generally porn is giving you something; and whilst it is feasible to believe that you don't need whatever it is giving you, the chances are that you won't be able to go forever without it. Porn can be a substitute for loving yourself, for being too shy, for hating women, for not being able to deal with school etc etc...so many reasons. I think it is really important to identify why exactly you have the addiction in the first place, and what exactly porn gives you. I myself have not specifically identified why I am so horny. I don't know why I constantly want to be sexually pleasured. I am thinking a lot more clearly now however; and admitting that I have a problem is really the first step. I didn't like my addiction and what it was doing to me; I also didn't like how it was affecting how I treated others. I'm glad that I'm giving up, however in the long term I want to discover whatever it was that provoked me to become so committed to porn.

What is that? The simple answer is I have too many hormones, however I know that truth could potentially be more complicated than that.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Cars and gasoline

As I was pondering in the shower, an analogy came to me. It seemed to work pretty well in my head, but it might look a little different on paper (er, in pixels).

The concept; men are cars, and sex is gas. Men need sex, cars need gas. You need to accept that in order to continue; admittedly there are many people who don't require any sex (perhaps these men are the equivalent of solar cars), but just for this analogy you'll have to agree with these statements.

Now cars need gas, and most women know this. However, the need for gas is not the reason women would choose the car. Indeed, it is just a byproduct of receiving the services of a car. The problem I see as I talk to my less-than-successful friends, is that they do the equivalent of drawing attention to their need for gas. A woman is most likely aware of a car's need for gas, so drawing attention to this does not increase your chances of being successful. There do exist particular women who enjoy filling up their car with gas, or don't mind a car which consumes a lot of gas, however they most often go for the best car available. I mean, if you are going to have to fill up with gas regularly, why not get some other benefits too like a nice looking car? Women who like filling up on gas hence have a pretty good range of cars; because as far as cars go, they all enjoy a bit of gas every now and then.

Enter the nice guy; he's the car that takes very little to no gas. He can have a relationship with a lady and hide his fuel meter entirely; however he will complain when he's running on empty and requires some gas: the woman will potentially be surprised "I didn't know you needed gas? If I had have known that, I probably wouldn't have chosen this car". Whilst not knowing a car requires gas might seem overly naive; to expect a man to go without sex can potentially be a naive thing to do also.

The point is, I think a more successful approach to a woman is not to hide sex entirely, but there is no need to advertise it either. The latter will end up with a very unattractive mate, the former will end up with a "pussy whipped" lad. Certain women are comfortable talking openly about sex, although very very few would be willing to go in to the details. Hence a question like "your breasts are nice and plump; Do you like to have your nipples rubbed with massage oil?" would most likely make the subject feel very uncomfortable; whereas the more generic statement "Now how does fat become attractive just by adding a nipple to it?" might be more inviting and less direct; although still potentially a topic of conversation you would want to conduct at a pub and not an office workplace. (Although it must be said; very few women find their own body parts to be of anywhere near the level of interest/excitement that a horny man would find them).

I'm sure this analogy works if you substitute a man requiring sex for any other item that requires something else; it's just an interesting analogy to pursue (at least I found it interesting).

Now how does this relate to all the porn addicts? Well porn is an avenue that most take as it is a lot easier to manage than a relationship. There are tradeoffs in terms of rewards, but as a whole it does give a lot of short term benefits. The problem that inhibits a large portion of people giving up porn is that I imagine there is no reason to. However, it is important to remember that there *are* benefits to giving up porn. Improving relationships is just one benefit; however it is important not to make the mistake (as obvious as it sounds) of treating women like porn. Women are not porn, they are not sex objects, and very very few would have sex on the brain (and those that do would either go for alpha males or potentially be below your standards!). They have different wants and needs to men, and in order to start a relationship, you have to recognise this. If you don't have any female friends, the first step would be to make some. Make it clear (without actually stating it) that you don't want to have sex with her; choose a girl that already has a boyfriend, or is married etc. Then engage in conversation with her; notice how the conversations are very different to what men discuss? If you just want sex; unfortunately you are likely to set yourself up for failure. Women like this do exist, but even if you do attract one, the chances are you'll find that you'll be left as unfulfilled as porn leaves you.